Lola was a young bride of a Montana homesteader named Warren. She had been orphaned at a young age so she had very little training in being a homemaker. She felt especially inadequate in the kitchen. She hadn’t been able to master the art of bread making. A neighbor lady who had frequently brought food over to Warren before they had married told  her, “Now Lola, you must be able to bake a decent loaf of bread for your husband. Why Warren just loves my bread.”

Lola tried batch after batch of dough but either it didn’t rise or if it did it was too dense or tasteless. She was feeling hopeless and thought she will do one more attempt and then she would give up if it failed again.

So one morning she started a batch. She followed the recipe exactly. She made sure to not miss a step. The dough was perfect. She kneaded it till the dough would spring back when she poked it with her finger. She thought this is it. She proceeded to butter a large bowl to hold this perfect dough. All her hopes laid in this batch. She covered it with a towel and waited for it to rise. She waited and waited. After 90 min and it still stayed the same size with no indication of growth. She was brokenhearted. She thought how can I get rid of this dough so no one will find out she had failed again. She especially didn’t want that nosy neighbor to know.  So she found the most logical place to hide that dough. The chicken yard.

The chickens were her chore. She raised them and no one goes in the chicken yard but her. She grabbed a shovel and went to work at making a hole big enough for this huge lump of disappointment. She had finished patting down the dirt and hiding the evidence. Pleased with her job she went back into the house.  She washed her hands and got to work making biscuits to replace the bread to go with her stew.

Later that day about 3 pm she hears Warren returning from the fields. The screen door opened and she called out “I’m in the kitchen.” She looked up and she sees Warren as he comes in with a mischievous smile on his face. Her welcoming smile faded into a look of horror. In Warren’s arms sat a massive mound of muddy looking dough that was starting to expand over Warren’s hands and was nearly hanging to the floor.

The warm afternoon sun had taken over warming that dough. Warren said he had heard a commotion in the chicken yard and he found a growing mass under the yard. The chickens were squawking and running away from it. Except for a few brave ones who pecked at it. He dug it up and realized what it was. He had to bring it in to show her. Of course his gentle taunting was not meant to hurt his wife but he just couldn’t resist.

This was always one of  my favorite stories told to me by Lola of her days as a farmers wife. Yes, she was my Grandmother. She told me this story one night as she was putting me to bed. She would share how God had worked in her life. How this taught her to be more patient. To wait for the Light of the World to make things happen. That it can look completely hopeless, but if you wait for the Holy Spirit to work, it will blossom. With God, it is all in His timing. We may wait and wait and throw the towel in but just as it seems the most hopeless is when God does the miraculous.

By the way, Grams became an amazing cook and her bread was delicious.

“The Lord is my portion,” says my soul, “Therefore I have hope in Him.” The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, To the person who seeks Him. It is good that he waits silently for the salvation of the Lord. ( Lamentations 3:24-26)

This week I spent a lot of time talking to people who feel they are hopeless and unloved.  Their hearts and minds so weighed down with burdens and chains they don’t want to face their lives any longer.

My heart breaks for them. They are in agony. Writhing to escape the trap of lies from the evil one. I’ve been there before. I’ve known the ache to just end my life. To stop the mental and spiritual torture of a broken heart. A heart broken by the circumstances of my life. I’ve had the voice of a liar speaking curses and untruths to me day and night.

He made me believe I was a mistake, unlovable, without hope, and not even God could love me. He told me to face the facts that I would be better off dead and forgotten than to face one more day of the agony I was in. Besides no one will miss me and they would be better off without me.

But… Jesus had a different plan for me. He gave me someone who loved me unconditionally.

My Grandma, or Grams as we affectionately called her. She loved me. She was my best friend. She loved everyone she came into contact with and I know for fact she prayed for them all. Good or bad she wanted them to know they are loved. She never spoke an ill word about them.

Grams told me about Jesus. How he loved me. How he created me. How even though I was the result of a unwanted pregnancy, Jesus always had a plan for me. He knew me. The God of the Universe loved me.

I once had a dream where Satan was at my church. He was standing on stage spewing hateful vile words to the congregation. The pastors and others are calling out “I rebuke you in the name of Jesus!” But he just laughed at them and continued to curse everyone.  I said “let me try.” I yelled out “I rebuke you in the name of Jesus!” Suddenly, Satan stood directly in front of me. I told him I didn’t understand how he didn’t have to leave like I was always told he would. He said “Do you know why I don’t have to leave? None of you really know how much Jesus loves you. If you did you would have so much power I couldn’t hurt you anymore. I would have to leave you alone.”

Talk about a crazy dream, but it taught me that knowing the power of the love of Christ is my weapon against all things. If I know the love of Jesus, I couldn’t be fearful, sad, or without hope. I couldn’t hate myself because I would know I was hating Jesus because I am made in His image. I would trust that Jesus has a plan for me. I would know I was lovable and wanted.

This love changes everything. I don’t listen to the voice of the enemy anymore. I still have scars and sometimes my heart can look at a circumstance and get a glimmer of old pains. Suddenly the still small voice of the Holy Spirit speaks to me. He reminds me how precious I am. How I am fearfully and wonderfully made. He has a purpose and plan for me. He is my Rock and Salvation. I don’t have to be lost in a sea of loneliness, self hatred, and hopelessness.

I hope others feel loved by me. I want to exude a spirit of love. I hope I leave a  legacy like my Grams who showed all people the love of Jesus.

Overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.  And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow- not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love.  No power in the sky above or in the earth below- indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8: 37-39)

Recently I awoke from a cat nap with a sense something was wrong. My chest felt heavy and my heart was racing erratically. Then the pain and shortness of breath started.  Was I having a heart attack?

After an ER visit where they shocked my heart twice I was back in rhythm. It was an eye-opening experience for me. I truly saw how life can change in an instant. I went from having a restful evening at home to literally being told that I could have a blood clot in my heart that could dislodge with the shock and cause a stroke.

Luckily the second shock set me back into normal sinus rhythm and I was discharged home within 30 min. The whole experience was surreal. I went home knowing my heart had been stopped and restarted just an hour before and here I was back to normal life. Now comes the work of finding out why and to make a plan to keep it in rhythm.  Daily aspirin to keep a clot risk down, avoiding caffeine, and taking all my medications as directed. It will be a lifetime of being diligent to take care of my heart. I will need to pay attention to the rhythm and look for changes.

I can’t help but compare it to my spiritual life. I get out of sync with my relationship with Christ. I want to go my own way. I’m out of rhythm with Him. I pull away speeding through life instead of following the path he is leading me through. I don’t do it intentionally it just subtlety occurs without me really seeing it. It’s like a small child in a store. At first your holding your parent’s hand. Your following along but your grip loosens then you let go. Your attention is on the new toy and suddenly you look around and your all on your own.  It can happen through being too busy with all the good things in life as well as the bad things. It’s not always a big intentional sin that draws us away. It is a loss of purposeful intention. We need to steer our thoughts and time to follow the heels of Jesus closely. Keeping our eyes and minds on Him.

I need to look for the changes that indicate my spirit is out of alignment with God’s Will. Am I not walking in rhythm with God? Do I take time to listen? Am I filling my soul with God’s Word?  Is there a time set aside in my day that’s just for Him?

Checking our heart is like steering a boat in a storm.   The waves and the wind are pushing and pulling in every direction.  Adjusting the rudder and sails continuously to ensure your on the right path.

My goal is to avoid the crisis moment that something dramatic must happen to get me to shocked back to attention. Keeping on track despite what life throws at me.

Surely the righteous will never be shaken; they will be remembered forever. They will have no fear of bad news; their hearts are steadfast trusting in the LORD. (Psalm 112:6-7)

 

 

I am in a season of dry bones. I haven’t been making my relationship with God a priority. Even right now as I’m writing this my heart is not really looking towards Christ. I just want to pull away and hide. I don’t really know why? Is it laziness? A lack of motivation? I just can’t seem to pull myself out of the funk I’m in. I’ve recently been ill and had to stay home for several days. Somewhere in that I became apathetic about everything. I don’t want to exert energy to much. Maybe it’s due to the unbelievable fatigue I have had. I am starting to feel better, though. So shouldn’t I get back to being somewhat normal again? I think I stopped doing what helps me to keep my eyes on Jesus. I haven’t been praying, reading God’s Word, listening to worship music, or going to church. These are the habits I know that keep me healthy.

The whole time I was down I just watched TV. If I wasn’t asleep I was watching one mundane show after another with no benefit to my soul at all. In fact I watched the Alien Files till I am now an expert on all things extraterrestrial. Not because I believe any of it but just because it was mind numbing. Just silliness to distract me from feeling so ill. I was so sick I was actually having to consider my own mortality. My body felt so weak. I never have felt so at the mercy of my human limitations before. It really scared and frustrated me.

Instead of looking towards the One who would actually fill me, strengthen me, and heal me I have checked out. This has dried out my bones and my passion for life. I know God is the author of life so he is the one I should have looked to. I know that this is a slow death for me. I’m starving myself of the rich nutrients found in God’s word.

So by a shear act of obedience I will start force feeding myself. I know that diving in the cool refreshing waters can be shocking at first but the exhilaration you feel after is restorative. It brings every fiber of my body to life. The living Word of God is the cure for my dry bones. Bones that are weary and worn will be renewed.

” As we call out to dry bones come alive, come alive. We call out to dead hearts come alive, come alive. Up out of the ashes let us see and army rise. We call out to dry bones , come alive.”  (Lauren Daigle…Come Alive)