Do you ever think, where is God in all of this. Is He there? This is so awful He must have abandoned us. It can make you angry and distraught to think you’ve been thrown into such angst. Yet,  the God who says He loves you is nowhere to be seen.

I have been in that position on more than a few occasions in my life. I’ve been known to scream angrily at Him. “Why! Where are you?” It never failed that if I stepped back, He would reveal His presence in it. He would be right in the midst of the circumstance all the time. Working it out for me, strengthening me, and protecting me. For most of the time He was carrying me through. When I thought I’d lost it all and all hope was gone. There He was.

The recent cancer diagnosis of my granddaughter Amelia is definitely one of those times that can make you wonder. I found the floor of our lives had dropped out from under us. We were free falling into the blackest moment of our lives. Our hearts have been shaken. We have hope because we  have seen glimpses of the presence of Jesus through out this.

The way the cancer was discovered by her mother.  Both myself and her mother had enlarged suspicious lymph nodes in the recent past. We had been found to be cancer free but because of this her mom knew what was normal and not normal. This Burkitt’s Lymphoma is the fastest growing human tumor. How did it not progress past stage I? I know God used previous circumstances to help with early detection. The cancer stayed in one lymph node and so far has not progressed. Most of the doctors are amazed at how well she is doing.

We’ve seen Jesus in the people who have so generously given to help support them. We had no idea so many people cared. People we knew and those we didn’t. It really is amazing to see God move His army of people to bless us. It is very humbling to see such love by all of them. Every word of encouragement, act of service, monetary support is such a blessing to our family.

I’ve heard it said that in the darkest tragedies that we should “Look for the helpers”. Those people who come to lend aid, save us, support us. They are the hands and feet of Jesus. They are moving on His command. We cannot express enough thanks to the people who are willing to be those hands and feet.

I believe that Jesus is in the midst of everything. He is in the middle of my daily circumstances and in the darkest moments. He really is working it all out for our good. I hope we can help others see Jesus in their circumstance. It can be so overwhelmingly dark but if we look closely we will see small glimmers of the light of Jesus shine through. The only way to take out the darkness is to put the light on.

The last 3 days have been a nightmare that no matter how we try, we cannot wake up from. The diagnosis came that has shaken us to the core. Hearing the words of cancer is horrible but in a small sweet little 4 year old girl it is beyond disgusting. How can this happen to her? Where is God in all of this?

When my daughter called me with the news, it felt like all the air in the room had been sucked out. I stood there gasping for air. My heart shattering into a thousand tiny bits. I knew how much pain my sweet daughter was feeling. She is living out every mother’s worst fear. The thought of my daughter suffering such agony stabbed my heart. I have spent her entire life trying to protect her from pain and keep her from harm. Now I sit here powerless to protect her. I cannot keep this pain at bay for her. I ache to take it all away. Where will we all find the strength?

We will turn to Jesus during this time.  He is going to hold my granddaughter in His hand. He will uphold her parents and the rest of our family. This I have no doubt. Our feet are to the flame. The flame of fear scorching us to the soul. A fire that could consume us, but for the presence of Jesus in the midst of it. As Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego were thrown in the flames of a raging furnace, they were saved when that same Jesus stood in the fire with them. That power to save is the hope we have today. He is holding our hands and walking us through this time of testing.

Some may ask “If He is so powerful why doesn’t he just heal her or just have never let her have this?” He made this a perfect world for us in the beginning. The sickness and brokenness of this world was ushered in by us. I know God had to set up a plan to redeem it. We are not guaranteed a life free from the strife that all men are subject to. What we are guaranteed is this will all be made right in the end. Romans 8:28 “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose.” What could be the purpose for this? How can God make anything good from something so unthinkable? The answer to this is I don’t know, but He does. I just trust He will.

I believe Jesus sees every tear my daughter has cried. He understands the pain my son-in-law is feeling.  He has heard the groaning of our hearts as we agonize over this. He has seen the crushing load of fear that was dropped on us all. I do believe Jesus is powerful enough to uphold us and to bring healing and restoration to my granddaughter.

A friend of mine told the story of God’s ability to give him supernatural strength to avoid being crushed by a heavy object. He had fallen and this object would have landed on his head. Just as he landed what he needed was right there. I thought how God had saved him, not from the fall, but gave him strength to survive the fall.

We shall suffer but we have chosen to follow Jesus. He will lead the charge. The power of Christ will carry us through each day. He goes with us into this battle. Deuteronomy 31:6 says “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you.”