What do you do in the moments that shake your foundation? The times in our lives when we get a phone call in the night that rocks our world? It physically steals our breath and overwhelms us. I have had a few conversations like that this year. Calls of the loss of loved ones and several with diagnoses that seem so unimaginable. I have written about the diagnosis of a cancer in my 4 year old granddaughter. That day my heart nearly stopped. I had my own health hurdles in the last 2 years. My heart has been having a life threatening arrhythmia and fluid around my heart. I spent many hours trying to make sense of it all.

I am a person who must pull away and recenter myself on Jesus. I can’t find solid ground to stand without Him. I will stay in my room of sanctuary where I will cry, barter, and ultimately will stop to listen for the voice. The voice of Jesus who whispers His words of comfort. The Holy Spirit will remind me I am in His care. That nothing occurs that can move Him away from me. He is ready to come into every situation and bring in His peace and comfort.

I’ve had several friends who’ve called me with the news that their world has been rocked. Diseases the world says are too big. Their lives have changed in one horrific diagnosis. The families wide eyed confusion of where to go from this. Is this the end? Does this mean God is not able to fix this?

With all my heart I know it is not. Matthew 19:26 says:  And looking upon them, Jesus said to them, With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.

He is bigger than the disease. When someone gives a survival rate of a certain disease, they do not take into account the One who created us. The One who holds us in His hands. The same hands that took nails to break the chains of death off of us. He knows this world caused us to start dying from the moment our first cell formed in our mother’s womb.

This was never His plan. His plan is to give us life abundantly. I believe His death and resurrection stopped that curse and brought us life eternal. He never wants us to die. He wants us to live.

I’m not saying that we won’t get sick or die. What I mean is, that we can have faith that Jesus has a plan to bring out the very best for us and our loved ones. “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28.

I believe that He wants to heal us. Throughout the New Testament there are stories of God’s miraculous healings. I don’t remember a time that Jesus refused healing. I know some are not fully healed till they meet Jesus. Sometimes we humans don’t get the answers we want but it doesn’t mean we didn’t get the healing we needed. The pain grows us in ways that never would have happened without it. Just like pruning a rose bush. You have to cut the plant back to force it to grow the perfect rose. To grow the beauty.

If we are being challenged right now, it’s for the future glory. A beauty that we cannot see now, but when we do, it will be clear. We will see the masterpiece our Lord has been sculpting us to be. After all, we are in The Potter’s Hand as He spins us and molds us to be exactly what He wants us to be.

It all started with a daily verse from my Bible app. I have been challenging myself to read it daily and see how long of a streak I could get. Most verses I read just stay in my head for a minute, but I couldn’t say I remembered them. Most make no real impact on me.  Then suddenly one will hit me and it is like it shoots from my head into the depths of my heart.

The verse came at the beginning of this week. I innocently read it and out of the blue, it revealed something to me. It convicted me. At first I disagreed with it. I thought, no I’m a loving person. I pride myself on being kind and caring to anyone I meet. A loud resounding voice disagreed with me. I knew it was the voice from the Lord. It wasn’t soft or a whisper. If it had been a physical voice I would have had to cover my ears. You see those cartoons where something is so loud it blows them back. This was exactly like that.

It screamed that I was a fraud. I am not loving deep down. I try to pretend I am, but really I am not. I may smile and nod my head at you, but do I really love you? Would I really go out of my way to love you? Do I love you like Jesus does?

I inwardly hung my head in shame. I knew Jesus was right. I have an outward facade of love, but I know the depths of my heart. I’m mostly thinking about me. How does this make me feel. How does this affect me? What can this do for me?

Now, to most of my friends and family I do truly love them. I pray for them and I would give them anything that they needed, if I had it. At least, I like to think so. Almost all my family and friends are easy to love. They are beautiful kind people who bring great joy to my life. What about people I come into contact with at work or in public? Doesn’t God love them? Wouldn’t He treat them the same as a close friend or brother? Shouldn’t I love them like He does?

Most people are good, or at least bearable, to be around or talk to. There are some who push those limits. They can be selfish, rude, hateful, bitter, or just plain awful people. Do I love them? Can I bear to talk to them? What if they are demanding and completely ungrateful for what you do for them.

What if they stink? I have a very sensitive nose. I can barely stand foul odors. I nearly run away from people who have bad hygiene. I am usually not very tolerant of filth. Do I love them? Will I stay with them for any length of time, or will I find the quickest route away from them?

As I stand now, the truth that stares me in the face is, I do not love them. I want them out of my life. Take them away from my sight. I don’t want the challenge to love them. Life would be so much easier without them. But, what does they say about me?  Does being a follower of Christ allow me to choose who is worthy. Who is lovable?

Jesus calls me to love like him. He didn’t die for only those who are lovely. He died for all. That includes the most ugly evil person. He died for Hitler, Charles Mason, child molesters, and murderers. He also died for all drug addicts, alcoholics, criminals, rich and poor. He died for awful people. In fact I have never come into contact with one soul He didn’t die for. He loves them even if they are unlovable to me.

Compared to the holiness of Jesus and His righteousness we all are awful people. We are like filthy rags as the Bible says in Isaiah 64:6 “We are all infected and impure with sin. When we display our righteous deeds, they are nothing but filthy rags.” 

As usual, when I ask God to help me love people like he does, I get a lesson. It was not a lesson full of contact with lovely people. Rather, it was the most challenging, sometimes awful people, that he brings to this lesson. I spent so much time this week truly exasperated with extremely difficult individuals. It is just like God to use these adverse circumstances to grow the seed that He is planting in me. Other Christians have warned me not to ask God for patience or strength. That if you do, you’d better hold on, because it will be a bumpy ride for sure.  I have come to love and hate these times of growth God draws me into. I know it is going to be so painful and challenging that I may hate every minute of it. In the end, I will be rejoicing at the new growth He has done in me. I will be able to see His plan.

The entire truth is us awful people need Jesus. We all are loved by Him. So many are never going to know this if we don’t tell them. If we don’t climb the walls of the awful person they will never know the life that is possible with Jesus. They won’t know the life changing power of the love of Jesus.

So my challenge for myself is to love the awful people like Jesus loves them.