It all started with a daily verse from my Bible app. I have been challenging myself to read it daily and see how long of a streak I could get. Most verses I read just stay in my head for a minute, but I couldn’t say I remembered them. Most make no real impact on me.  Then suddenly one will hit me and it is like it shoots from my head into the depths of my heart.

The verse came at the beginning of this week. I innocently read it and out of the blue, it revealed something to me. It convicted me. At first I disagreed with it. I thought, no I’m a loving person. I pride myself on being kind and caring to anyone I meet. A loud resounding voice disagreed with me. I knew it was the voice from the Lord. It wasn’t soft or a whisper. If it had been a physical voice I would have had to cover my ears. You see those cartoons where something is so loud it blows them back. This was exactly like that.

It screamed that I was a fraud. I am not loving deep down. I try to pretend I am, but really I am not. I may smile and nod my head at you, but do I really love you? Would I really go out of my way to love you? Do I love you like Jesus does?

I inwardly hung my head in shame. I knew Jesus was right. I have an outward facade of love, but I know the depths of my heart. I’m mostly thinking about me. How does this make me feel. How does this affect me? What can this do for me?

Now, to most of my friends and family I do truly love them. I pray for them and I would give them anything that they needed, if I had it. At least, I like to think so. Almost all my family and friends are easy to love. They are beautiful kind people who bring great joy to my life. What about people I come into contact with at work or in public? Doesn’t God love them? Wouldn’t He treat them the same as a close friend or brother? Shouldn’t I love them like He does?

Most people are good, or at least bearable, to be around or talk to. There are some who push those limits. They can be selfish, rude, hateful, bitter, or just plain awful people. Do I love them? Can I bear to talk to them? What if they are demanding and completely ungrateful for what you do for them.

What if they stink? I have a very sensitive nose. I can barely stand foul odors. I nearly run away from people who have bad hygiene. I am usually not very tolerant of filth. Do I love them? Will I stay with them for any length of time, or will I find the quickest route away from them?

As I stand now, the truth that stares me in the face is, I do not love them. I want them out of my life. Take them away from my sight. I don’t want the challenge to love them. Life would be so much easier without them. But, what does they say about me?  Does being a follower of Christ allow me to choose who is worthy. Who is lovable?

Jesus calls me to love like him. He didn’t die for only those who are lovely. He died for all. That includes the most ugly evil person. He died for Hitler, Charles Mason, child molesters, and murderers. He also died for all drug addicts, alcoholics, criminals, rich and poor. He died for awful people. In fact I have never come into contact with one soul He didn’t die for. He loves them even if they are unlovable to me.

Compared to the holiness of Jesus and His righteousness we all are awful people. We are like filthy rags as the Bible says in Isaiah 64:6 “We are all infected and impure with sin. When we display our righteous deeds, they are nothing but filthy rags.” 

As usual, when I ask God to help me love people like he does, I get a lesson. It was not a lesson full of contact with lovely people. Rather, it was the most challenging, sometimes awful people, that he brings to this lesson. I spent so much time this week truly exasperated with extremely difficult individuals. It is just like God to use these adverse circumstances to grow the seed that He is planting in me. Other Christians have warned me not to ask God for patience or strength. That if you do, you’d better hold on, because it will be a bumpy ride for sure.  I have come to love and hate these times of growth God draws me into. I know it is going to be so painful and challenging that I may hate every minute of it. In the end, I will be rejoicing at the new growth He has done in me. I will be able to see His plan.

The entire truth is us awful people need Jesus. We all are loved by Him. So many are never going to know this if we don’t tell them. If we don’t climb the walls of the awful person they will never know the life that is possible with Jesus. They won’t know the life changing power of the love of Jesus.

So my challenge for myself is to love the awful people like Jesus loves them.